By Adrine Nsubuga
For weeks, I lay on the bed; at times on the couch, exasperated. It was a gruesome feeling. When my doctor resolved and recommended that hospital monitoring was the best foot forward, my heart sunk. It felt like a death sentence. When he insisted on having a CT chest scan first, I got palpitations. Was I living on borrowed time? I wondered.
Covid -19 is not your usual illness. I still don’t know what it is. It attacks your physicality, sacks your energy, numbs your mentality, destroys your will. It rapes your spirit. For some, it takes away their will to live.
For a month, I couldn’t talk, eat or move freely. I hated everything. For the first time in my life, football was the last thing on my mind. The Liverpool – Chelsea draw almost escalated my situation. My pressure rose immediately.
For starters, the sportsman in me ought to have guaranteed a minimum level of resistance or at least energy. Routinely, I jog 30 km on weekends as a bare minimum and gym once a week. I keep away from the excesses of life and am naturally an optimist. A fighter. A positive thinker.
Yet, here I was hurting, the whole of me. The nights were cold, the days even colder. All I wanted was to sleep but sleep was the last thing on my mind during nights, gripped by fear of the unknown. Would I wake up? Would my heart stop? On several nights, I waited till day break to sleep – the nights seemed devilish. Too risky!
Throughout my ordeal, I kept good oxygen levels, had no breathing difficulties, kept my sense of smell and taste, maintained good pressure and my temperature was always normal. It’s almost as if I had no single Covid – 19 symptom. Yet my entire being screamed covid!
The night I was taken to hospital to be put on a ‘covid bed’ and be monitored with oxygen cylinders etc is the night I decided to fight. When the doctor excused herself to go and make preparations for admission, it felt like a death trap. Hospital suddenly looked sinister. We stealthily disappeared. No way was I going to accept that I had reached ICU levels. Covid is a state of mind I reminded myself.
Being in a foreign land didn’t help but I was willing to take my chances not the doctor’s doomsday scenario. From then on it became a battle of will and faith.
My home nurse took over and we both decided that it was up to me to fight. It’s all in the mind we convinced ourselves. When my 2nd test returned positive again, it was a slap in the face. This time however, I wasn’t broken but motivated instead. My resolve to fight and live went up a notch.
2 weeks later, here I am finally NEGATIVE and smiling again.
I’ve had enough time to think about life and the close shave with death has reminded me that never define life by your account balance or possessions. Life is what you make it. Someone else will enjoy your money and possessions when you are gone. You are working for someone else and it may not be your children or wife. Opportunists !
If you are happy with what you have and live happily with the people you love and share with others, and believe in God, that’s a fulfilled life. Covid 19 is brutal but it teaches you the true life values.
Live responsibly, enjoy what you have, enjoy your loved ones but stop chasing for material wealth. It’s chasing the wind. When Covid squeezes you, no amount of money can save you. You become as helpless and as vulnerable as a baby. At the mercy of an unknown virus.
God has given me another chance to life, it’s my duty to find out why. I can smile again.