A few weeks ago, I had a heated conversation with a band of brothers. The debate was what is common with most men talk; WOMEN. Ohh yea…how many men would deny this? It is an exciting topic and rarely has an end. Most men would continue discussing it on social media if at all they don’t have a solid conclusion after a social hangout. The conversation in other words was about the ‘Mpango Wa Kando’ (MWK) often referred to as the side chick, side dish, mistress etc. As each one of us contributed their ‘points’, it seemed a number of us were ‘missing’ the excitement of having one. For a moment it appeared very abnormal and backward if you didn’t have an ‘airbag’ as we referred them. What I can admit is that we live in a society where men having a side chick happens way too much.
For some men not having a side chick is like eating dry bread. Sadly, there are many women who go along with this belief. It is the role they select, rehearse and play while others struggle with the reality of the ‘other woman’ and have to live with or deal with. So why would a man just stick to his wife or partner and forget this beautiful lady on the side who complements him all the time? Men compare them to emergency services; they have them on speed dial and can call them anytime to ‘quench that thirst’.
Before I spit out the reasons I would briefly describe my relationship status. I’ve been married to one woman for almost seven years now. Together we have 2 sons that we cherish a lot. We are surrounded by family from both sides and friends whom we learn from and sometimes mentor. Ours is a simple yet positive life of acceptance and learning. Each day, is a learning experience for us as a couple. So what will make me stick to my woman despite being presented with a menu of cocktail, strawberry and vanilla flavours? Lets look at the following reasons
1. The first love:
While we may have kissed many frogs before we found ‘The One’, we would all admit that the woman you chose to be your wife was outstanding of them all. She came out the winner in that ‘stiff competition’. She is the woman who made your heart go ‘paragasha’. Remember the moments you too shared when together and the craving of seeing her when she went out for a few hours.
In the 1967 song written by Cat Stevens, he says that ‘The first cut is the deepest’. I totally agree with him, that woman who first became my wife is the best woman I’ve ever met and would want to have. She deserves treatment of a first lady, held in high regard because she is the first person who triggered your heart to make that one most life important decision of marrying. She doesn’t deserve to worry of the other woman.
2. Vision breaker:
Remember when you two planned to build that house, when she suggested that you buy that car very handy when you head upcountry to see your parents. Remember when both of you argued of how many kids you would have, dreamt to take them to good schools and see them graduate, but a few years down the line you’ve introduced athird-party. To be brutally honest she doesn’t care about your family.
She doesn’t even think of you when you part ways after a clandestine encounter. She doesn’t care about your emotions. You probably think when you’re lying on her chest it’s a sign of submission? Wrong!
Probably you are the third man on that same day. So do you want to build that house with your wife or buy this side chick that car? Do you think your vision is getting clearer or blurry? You decide.
I have a simple question, if you had a meal at a restaurant and the waiter gave you a spoon that’s she just pulled from another customer’s plate, unclean, would you enjoy your meal? My neighbour here says he would rather walk away and never return to that restaurant.
When it comes to extramarital affairs, the dirt and the disgust associated with it is indescribable. Sex and faithfulness go hand in hand. Sex is better experienced with the ones you love, third parties are a NO. Whether you use protection or not, you keep on dragging the stench of unfaithfulness wherever you go.
This would probably be the last nail in your coffin.
4. A twisted love goon:
For most people who have experienced with drugs or alcohol, they all have one thing they can agree on; Tried – Tested – Liked it – Addicted.
Matthew 26:41 says “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Once you became an addict, it has been a struggle to stop it. The flesh always gives in. The same happens with illicit affairs with side chicks. As a man your spirit will convict you and you decide to stop the affair, but your flesh, which is weak, does not give you a chance.
Your life becomes rugged and you become a twisted love goon. This in simpler terms means, you ‘proclaim love’ to all women that you come across irrespective of age (including minors) or social class. You break your first love and lose your vision.
Cheaters don’t understand the pain they cause. Most men who cheat have no clue how much pain we’re causing to our wives or partners. Many victims have said that the pain is worse than losing a loved one… (it’s) a pain that keeps on replaying in the victim’s mind for years.
Even when you’re remorseful and walk out of your side chick’s life, time alone would not be enough for your wife or partner to heal or even rebuild the trust. Each time they experience a trigger, the pain is there again as if the affair just occurred.
They ask themselves many questions, emotions erupt uncontrollably while feelings continue to stir up more pain. The affair remains in the mind of the betrayed through every waking moment. The side chick causes severe trauma to our spouses, and it’s a trauma that they never deserved. The mpango wa kando creates repercussions for many people – your own loved ones including relatives who feel ashamed and children whose lives are changed.
Many men might find themselves in this path willingly or unwillingly. What began innocently may have escalated to what you struggle with now. The good news is that all is not lost, find a group of men especially from your local church who may have been there before and recovered from their downward spiral. You can also seek help through professional counseling and start a new life altogether. Let us all love our wives, let us care and adore them. They are customly designed and created for us. Wish you the very best.